How to become a Masochist: Chapter 13

Expect me… to… smother your soul.
So begins years of the Dionysus experiment.
Brazenly measure rejections with calculated detachment.
The mind of a scientist… The mind of a sociopath.
Devotion/ Is only of the moment. / Is undying in the moment./ Is eternal in the moment.
Take that sulky, the peering, the confined… whatever it is that I’ve imagined.
Stop being a timid child tied to the dark edges of a white cube.
Because the key that unlocks is this:
No one is concerned with you. They are too concerned with
And once that I operate under this truth, I can work the room.
The risk is nothing. The stakes aren’t there when you’ve decided that love is
elusive and eternal in only a moment.
Like Lady Gaga, on AHS – own the heartache, collect the heartache, become the heartache.
Burn enough to build a tolerance, to mute at will,
and be ready to discard, to break free of yet another
imprinted set of values.

Your skin is white. Your lips taste of wine and they move in a perfected way – sliding and subtle
Your eyes of a deepest blue, deeper than a sapphire because there is no translucence.
Only dead light, detached and I act it out.
Never sure which side of the coin. The desired or the usurper.
A jaded fragile object or the wonderous explorer who needs to be

So bring me to my knees so I burn alive again.

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